i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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