My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
