9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
