Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
