do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
