I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
