Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
