I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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