I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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