I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
