I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
