Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
