When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
how drunk are you?
Several
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
