she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
