I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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