Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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