Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
