I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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