whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
