also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
