whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
