this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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