Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
