I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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