I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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