He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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