I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
