Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
