Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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