Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
