Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
