New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
