Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We are two peas in an std pod
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
