oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
