what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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