ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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