I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
