He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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