I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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