You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My feet surprised me
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