Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
