Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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