she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
smell my finger.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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