You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
