I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
