just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Your cock deserves a montage
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
