If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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