Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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