mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
