Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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