I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
