i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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